It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
