I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
