I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
