Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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