Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
