bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
