Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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