I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
