we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
