I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Im part way to drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
