It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
