So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
