6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
