all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
