girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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