Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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