The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
this is an emotional support booty call
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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