and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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