how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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