Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
