So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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