I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
