what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
