can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As shirtless as possible
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
how drunk are you?
Several
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
