So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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