Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
