remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
