She is in my trunk
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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