Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
