I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
