God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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