All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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