When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
