I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
