need another drink. this is the easiest way
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
