Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
