Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
