Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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