Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
