i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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