It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was confusing and full of hummus
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
