i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
