Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
