Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
