I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
