how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
