I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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