I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
