I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
