Don't you send me to vm
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
