No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
