My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
