Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
