I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
