I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
