Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
