Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
