I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
