Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
