phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
