i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
